Exploring Boredom

This diet is leaking into other areas of my life now. I'm discovering just how much I have used snacks, preferably sweet snacks, to entertain me throughout the day. As an extrovert, I've blamed boredom on being alone, but truthfully I struggle with most things related to the computer. I resist buying plane tickets, reading emails, and even blogging. Is it computer work in general that I find tedious? I studied Electrical Engineering in college and I used to be adept at using computers. Somewhere along the way, I guess I decided computers = work and work = boring.

I find the savory snacks on Optavia tasteless and unappealing. Maybe it's the lack of sweetener. Thursday I decided to eat only my least favorite snacks. I wanted to dive into the discomfort of nothing fun. It was a tough day.

Then yesterday I committed to working on a work-from-home business that involves emailing multiple businesses and other computer work. Training videos, Puke! I decided I'm in. I want to explore what happens when I embrace something that occurs as boring.

I talked to my mom yesterday and tried to explain this. Her reaction annoyed me.

She said, "Why would you try to do that, that sounds like a terrible idea."

"Why would you eat all that processed food to lose weight??? That's so bad for you!"

"Your stepdad always says WORK is a 4-letter word, of course you aren't going to like working."

"My day wasn't boring at all! I . . . . . (proceeds to tell me everything she did in excruciating detail)."

I wasn't sure why her reaction annoyed me so much until I dissected it with my close friend, Sharon. Mom has avoided being bored for as long as she and my stepdad have been married. Their culture is to go, go, go. They pride themselves on just how full they can make their days. We used to take a hike in the morning and a bike ride in the afternoon growing up. Naps were forbidden. Summer jobs required a full 40-hour workweek and sleeping in on the weekends was taboo. Being lazy was boring. Relaxing was considered tedious. The only tedium we were allowed to embrace was from a career, which was considered normal to hate.

I'm on a vision quest to find boredom. What is boredom and where does it come from? Is boredom an emotion that comes from a thought? If it is an emotion then what is the thought leading to the feeling of boredom?

For me, the thought is "I should be doing more. I'm not using all my talents. I am a loser."

After all, I have panic attacks when on work calls, I want a bigger house and I make less money than some people my age and I'm an extrovert and I am working from home, alone, which doesn't suit me.

What if? What if I could change that thought to "I'm doing the best I can with what I have."

I have evidence for that one, too, and I'm firmly going to stick with it. I am saving a couple thousand a month for the past 7 months, trying to save a down-payment on a second house, I am thriving with the personal growth work I do, my kids are genuinely good humans and I get positive feedback that I'm doing well at my job.

A wise friend shared today, "Thoughts are like food for your emotions. You can think any thought you want, but if you only allow the positive thought in you feel so much better. "