What To Do?

I hate working from home when everyone else is here. The chosen spot for my desk is in a little nook of the living room. That means if I'm on a video call then I have to scramble to clean up the clothes that were inevitably left around and wipe off the counters that are covered in dishes. It also means that my kids and husband think I'm available as long as I'm on mute. Here are some actual examples of what I dealt with this week:

"Are you on mute?!?! I can't find my art supplies!" my daughter whispers loudly to me while on a phone meeting.

Tico goes to the bathroom without closing the door and the noise of him standing and peeing is loud enough to register on my phone for the other callers to hear so I quickly mute.

My teenage son saunters in to eat his bowl of cereal at noon and talks loudly to the dog.

I'm exasperated. I don't want to work out of the living room anymore. I want to be able to close the door and lock it.

One solution is to buy a new house. You know I love real estate and I saw a perfect house. Albeit small--it only has three bedrooms and one bathroom--it has a guest house and I could escape to the guest house every day. Well, this place was beyond cute. It had just been flipped so was staged and remodeled to a beautiful look so it got 7 offers and is expected to sell $75K over asking price.

The other solution is to move my desk into the bedroom. It's not ideal but our bedroom is quite large and I could comfortably fit my desk. What's more, I could close and lock the door when on important calls and if I position the desk correctly then I wouldn't have to worry about cleaning up before video calls.

Tico is adamant that the desk can't go in the bedroom. He doesn't want the office and bedroom to mix because he wants to be able to relax, he says. We got in a fight that ended with my saying it is the only solution I can come up with short of buying a new house and him saying that if I move the desk into the bedroom he's moving out.

I think he is being ridiculous. I think he is being insensitive to how hard I have to work and what I need in order to focus. I think he is being an asshole.

Want to know a secret? Sometimes I want him to move out. Sometimes the weight of being married just feels like too much. Glennon Doyle says to think about what would be the most beautiful version of your life and I can't help but think, it might be on my own. Living in a little house where I get to put everything where I want. Spending time with my kids relaxing because I don't feel in trouble with my partner.

Would I be lonely? Probably. I was terribly lonely when I was divorced before. I can't imagine being free from that if I was alone. But right now I'm feeling so suffocated that it sounds like a nice reprieve. I don't know what I'm going to do.