Well, my darling readers, my lover has come and gone (ha, literally).
I love having an intuition that knows me. I can't say how but she knows. For example, in late December I still had my light summer quilt on my bed so I changed it to my winter duvet. It somehow didn't feel right. I couldn't say why. So I switched back to the summer quilt.
Then, when my lover left me, the winter duvet wanted to come out. A blanket of love that he had never touched to comfort me. Familiar. Soft and heavy. Cozy. Rich colors.
My intuition told me to call my dad that afternoon that I knew my lover was done. I sobbed into the phone and told him how bad it hurt. He held me close in his heart and soothed me. My real daddy. We spent a day in Denver together. I cried. I told him everything.
I listen to my spirit guides. Nana and EfG. Baths and candles.
Today I came across a wonderful video by Chani. Apparently February 28 is a magical day in the world of creating commitments for intentions moving forward. What did I discover since February 23?
Wow. In looking back since February 23, I'm filled with gratitude for my life I love.
My all-time best improv performance. Closing an escrow with more in the works. Clients who love me. Close friends and family proving to be supportive of how open I want to be. My feminine power expanding my creativity, intuition, sexuality, and magic.
So, what is next? What do I want to commit to? Two things.
First: Writing it down. Writing calls. Some nights I write for hours but I fear it's juvenile and simple. Too vulnerable. Dumb. Fuck that. I'm writing my experience of the last 4 months of intense growth (and still going). I'm removing my expectation of perfect articulation. Rest assured, dear readers, I will be writing.
Second: My darling daughter, so elegant and feminine. Her need to melt into a liquid of magic. I wish I could guide her in a loving, supporting container so she could melt into her true essence. Oh, how lucky the world is to have her magic. Her essence is absolutely brilliant.
I long to support her on how to manage in a world where none of this makes sense. I want to tell her: Sleep when you need to sleep. Learn how to give herself support around the ADHD. Feed yourself breakfast. Take a day off when you get your period. Pet your cats and let your mind wander for 3 hours. Fuck work. There will be a time for that later. For now, take care of you.